Ever since I started understanding this concept, I started I started taking it seriously. I did a poll on my whatsapp ,asking my friends what their love languages were and i got funny/ shocking responses, some even asked what is love language? We live in a world driven by collaborations and relationships and understanding love languages is important for strong and lasting relationships.
Love language isn’t just for lovers,you must understand love languages of your kids,siblings,friends and even colleagues to build better relationships.
What is love language?
Your love language is basically how you understand love, i.e , how you love to give love and receive it. Your love language is that gesture that might not mean much to another person but your brain interprets it as love because the action of loving is different for every one.
Dr. Gary Chapman, author of the very famous book The five love languages says that the the key to a lasting relationship is to learn love languages. There are five of these languages but they come in different dialects, understanding them and speaking them takes relationships to the next level and makes it way easier to sail.
There are many times when we put a lot of effort into loving someone but they do not seem responsive which brings room for misinterpretation and mistaking it for lack of connection or that they do no love you back when in reality ,you are the one not loving them right.
The five love languages.
I am going to be writing this in the hierarchy mine follows. If you want to know yours , you can take a free test here. The test tells you your love languages in percentages .The one with the highest percentage is your Primary love language.
The five love languages are:
- Receiving gifts
- Quality time
- Acts of service
- Physical touch
- Words of affirmation
- Receiving Gifts : this right here gets me every time! This love language is often mistaken for materialism but it is not! It is usually about the thoughtfulness and effort behind the gift. For people with this love language ,this gesture shows that you are recognized , valued and been thought about.
A missed birthday, anniversary or hasty thoughtless gifts might mean otherwise. This been my primary love language , I barely ever forget birthdays or special occasions and you forgetting my birthday ? I might look OK but i’m not , I am terribly hurt.
When I took the test, I wasn’t shocked to find receiving gifts as my primary love language because I literally cry whenever I receive gifts from loved ones, that’s just the easiest way to my heart. You should keep in mind that it doesn’t have to be big, “oh I noticed you like writing , I got you a pen”, “I was getting this for myself , decided to get one for you too”, “I framed your favorite picture!”
A gift is something I can hold in my hand and say “oh, she was thinking about me, he remembered me , you have me in mind , you love me.” The gift itself is a sign of that thought. You know that person that keeps getting you stuff ? get them stuff too because that’s how they love . Receiving gifts is their love language , speak it.
- Quality time- People with this love language want to be given undivided attention. The central aspect of quality time is togetherness. Note that proximity is not the same thing as togetherness. Neflix and chill might not be regarded as quality time because the focus is on the tv/ movie and not the loved one .
The most common dialect of quality time is quality conversation.This right here is on spot for me! To create a bond with me , we have to discuss,deep discussions. Sharing experiences , thoughts,feelings and desires in a friendly ,uninterrupted context. rubbing minds together and getting to know beyond the physical but psychologically and intellectually.
My goal is to discover your thoughts and feelings .My objective is not to defend myself or set you straight. It is to understand you.Gary Chapman
In my opinion, people who speak this love language tend to think they are sapiophiles because they get attracted to people they can rub minds with. Lengthy conversations that click helps to dig into their inner perspectives and intelligence which makes them feel smart. When relating to someone with this love language , interruptions during quality time indicates that you do not care.
- Acts of service – people who have this as their primary love language would usually have the motto “action speaks louder than words!” They feel loved when you do things for them. For them helping out equals to “I love you”. Little things like a massage , cooking a meal, helping with an assignment, covering for them when they are tired . “Don’t worry I have got you” is probably the favorite thing to hear for people who speak this love language.
What can I do for you today? Might be the second best. No , they are not lazy but the feeling of been pampered is amazing isn’t it? They cherish that feeling . Make them feel it every time you can.
- Physical touch- For some people, when they hear physical touch the first thing that comes to their mind is sex. Sex is one of the dialects of this love language but holding hands, hugs, back rubs ,cuddles are also ways of expressing love by physical touch. To people who speak this love language , your word may mean little but your physical touch would show that you care . For them a hug is worth more than a thousand words . You may not be able to love a person with this love language if you do not like PDA ( public display of affection) .This is why we should try to learn love languages we do not speak fluently. Do not see people who speak primarily the language of physical touch as touchy or too clingy like I used to, just understand that that’s how they love to give and receive love.
- Words of affirmation. People who speak this as their primary love language are usually affected by the power of the tongue. Speak encouraging and sweet words and you have them.
I can live for two months on a good complimentMark Twain
Mark Twain’s statement just shows how much compliments mean to some people. They look forward to hearing statements like “you are beautiful”, “you look good on that dress”, “that meal you made in the morning? best I have ever had”,” you are such a hard worker”. Complimenting them or their efforts shows that you love and value them. You can love them with all the other love languages but as far as you haven’t said something nice to them, something wouldn’t just feel right to them.
People who speak this love language are easily affected by words , positive or negative, so you should watch it when to speak to them and never miss an opportunity to compliment them if you want to love them right .
When I took my free test I got this;
- Receiving gifts -27%
- Quality time -23%
- Acts of service-23%
- Physical touch- 17%
- Words of affirmation- 10%
Thank you so much for reading! I hope you were able to learn at least one new thing about your self or your loved one? If you did please share , and sign up for more from me. Did you take the quiz ? Did it help? If it did , you can also share with your friends.